i can't believe how desperate this feels. this is lonelier than making my way through the airport after watching her plane take off. more horrible than learning she's slept with another. and worse, it's what i've asked for.

smoke gets in your eyes...

but how do you plan the impossible future? the men in her life made it impossible, yet she kept the faith. i have convinced myself that it was blind.

it's hard to stay strong when you could be so wrong. it's hard to turn your back on an entire life so thoroughly imagined. it's hard to be an asshole.

i have a black-belt in anxiety. i have lost my cutiepop. the phone isn't ringing and i'm dying but i'm so very tired of trying to pretend that i believe love conquers all.