wow i had a really great weekend. i forgot i had, like, friends and stuff. last month was so dark for me i thought i'd never get through it. all i had going for me was work, xfiles, and all the nutter-butters i ate. i was still trying to scheme my way into going into work today but thankfully all my friends came out of the woodwork and distracted me with movies, music, art, pokemon, and beer.

now if i could just figure out what the fuck i want to do with my life.

being happy is a good start. staying happy -- well, that's what this is all about. right? right!?

i would like to find some kind of ritual for myself. besides xfiles. some routine that i follow that i find fulfilling. when i was in school i used to go up to the fibers lab every evening and weave. i miss that. i miss the quiet rythm of passing the shuttle through the shed and building something solid out of my labor. everyday i do computer crap that isn't very interesting, can't point to and show my friends, can't hold up and call mine.

i need a new drug.