off to northern california tomorrow. it's been awhile. i'm told it's unspeakably hot. my bright white self is bound to blind a few hippies.

the thought of moving there again is still a scary one. my knack for making friends from scratch is dismal. the cost of living is painful. the jobs suck ass. i worry that it's still the same cruel place that i endured for the worst year of my so-called life. ...i feel so safe and nested here. but my relationship with m depends on this. even though the words, "i would follow you anywhere," get stuck in my throat.