i could rise up out of the ash in my head. or i could beg her not to miss me.
my heart yearns for a jewish girl bearing fruit. apple peach nectarine. with a soft body to entwine and a selfless smile to keep me safe. i've made a fruitstand for her in my room -- under my shirt -- behind my eyelids. pomegranate kiwi passion.
i can't believe m's gotten upset with me over going for a walk with someone. sure, falling in love is a "dance", but this was clearly a *walk*. i'm so frustrated by other people's blind jealousys. i understand, tho... the first and last time i was inflicted by jealousy i wreaked havoc and tore myself up, threw books and cd's, and smashed things that were irreplacable. if you really want to piss off an art student, ruin their artwork. they'll never forgive you. i could have forgiven her cheating, but she'd never forgive my stupidity.
liasons and jealousies are symptoms of damage. relax. understand. heal. (or drink yourself silly.)
i really do like kate. i'm not sure in what "way", though. she sort of reminds me of india; she's determinantly insecure but keeps forgetting that she's insecure, so she comes off as wonderful and goofy. thin, with bright red hair and teeny nordic eyes behind big black glasses. her beauty is blantantly obvious upon the second glance. we see eachother once or twice a week. i could make it more, but i feel like i'm teasing myself. which is not how i want to feel. i want to feel like we could be wonderful, platonic friends. like, whether i have a girlfriend or not, i can meet someone neat that i won't feel all sexy about.
sigh.
i don't know if m and i will survive aj.
it's late. the shiraz is kicking in. i got the gold membership thing so i could upload images here, and it took way too long to change all the links. but finally my images will be stable. i changed my template, too... actually, i recycled an old one until i can think of something new; the one before was ginchy, but kinda depressing after awhile. i'll whip up some freshness in a short time.
the rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. (i heart boogie!)
�viva la icky pop!