god. the usual stuff. the ongoing identity crisis. defying boredom. justifying loneliness. dancing while fast asleep. waiting for something...

and nothing's come. i feel too shot to be proactive about anything meaningful.

for thanksgiving 2000 i had macaroni and cheese and bagels and merlot and tried unsuccessfully to knit gloves while watching the pillow book.

i'm completely anxious about visiting the caravan in cali this week. butterflies galore. oh, my kingdom for a magnetic personality.

i want to write more. i'm just  not   really      here.