traumatic changes in my life. i destroyed something stronger and better than i. more than anything i want to just put everything back together again, the love that i believe in. but. i'm a wreck. she was always more together than i. i caved under the weight of faith, patience, and possibility. i'm trying to figure just what i deserve.

i can tell myself that i lost myself in this relationship. but that would be a lie. i left myself behind years ago. this person that i am is a projection in a dark room.

i'm moving this week. i'll be offline for awhile. i'm looking forward to painting and arranging and getting some new plants. setting up the record player. using the sewing-table for something more than a night-stand. newer-and-bigger-apartment-therapy. i will be lonely. my real journal will be pleased to see me more often.

i changed the layout. when i'm really flustered i get productive. but i took out the links... here's some of them off the top of my head, in no particular order:

i-hate-milk
boogie
crayon
pandalicious
hypothesis
dyke
robotrock
pip
mess
mop
citizenjane
cameron
xiolah
perceptions
nnnn