why am i talking to the computer? where are my friends hiding?!

those offers are coming in today and now i'm freaking out. i was upset 10 minutes ago cuz i thought no one liked me and then they all came at once and now i don't want anyone to like me. shoo, go away mr. dot-com. i like all my choices and what sux is that it's going to come down to dollars and i hate guiding my life that way. i've got this far off of the spare change under the cushions of the sofa that is my life. company a is cool cuz their a quick-moving branding house. i like company b cuz they have their act together and they're still very small. company c has the nicest people. there's no d) all of the above. grrr.

okay, i'm calming down. i will survive.

i've spent most of the day cleaning. which meant going through old letters and sketchbooks. so much dust in my life. i threw away what no longer interest me -- letters unsent, break up letters, random postcards, old concert tickets, all but one letter i had from tab, and anything related to daphne except her tele-tubby drawing. i'm tired of all these ghosts i've let populate my life. boo. go away.

proposed diet for becoming healthy and happy: get up at 6 and weave for 2 hours. walk to work, if employed. on the way, either an americano or, if feeling saucy, a double soy mocha. for lunch, filafel -- something yummy and somewhat fattening -- while walking down to the water. if it's raining: read a book, instead; something funny and not serious, please. for dinner, ice cream and then maybe the cha cha or, if feeling low and antagonistic, illeen's. smile and laugh at every opportunity. treat the nerves to a smoke and a glass of wine before bed.